Supporting Young Men to Release Pain and Anger

by Julie Kleinhans on March 17, 2014

If you tuned into the interview I had with Tori Hartman during Successful Kids Revolution, you may remember the emotional release I had in making the connection between my grandmother (my father’s mother) passing away when my mother was pregnant with me and my life’s path. It was quite a breakthrough for me.

You see, ever since I can remember, boys and young men have come to me for support with emotional issues. It started when I was in high school, having male friends come to me to talk about their problems.

Later in life as a teacher, it seemed that every troubled high school boy would land on my doorstep. As a coach, this continues.

I can tell you this – I understand the deep pain that boys and young men are struggling with. And when I came upon this video, it really resonated with me.


The Mask You Live In

 
From a spiritual perspective, I’ve been trying to understand this connection I have with troubled youth (particularly young men), the suicide and drug related deaths of too many young people I’ve known, and my life’s purpose.

For the longest time, I’ve had these questions floating around in my head that went something like this: What the heck do I do with this information? How do I help? Why is this showing up in my life so much? Why do I have such a strong emotional connection to kids that struggle? Why do I attract boys and young men into my life that need support with so many issues? Why do I understand their pain unlike so many others? It’s as if I can read their mind and tap into their emotions…and the truth is, I can.

During my live interview with Tori Hartman, she helped me to solve the riddle that I’ve been questioning for a very long time.

Tori revealed that when I was born part of my purpose was to heal the emotional pain my dad was carrying due to the death of his mother. She told me because of this, I have a need within me to help heal the emotional pain of males. WOW!!! There it is, the answer to the riddle.

Then when my dad passed away in 2007, my spiritual journey was triggered and it lead me to creating something really positive so that I can guide others to heal and support youth all over the world. That healing part of me gets to play a bigger game in the world now.

I think most of us understand there is so much pain and anger within so many young men todayIt’s time to shift our ways of being in society if we are ever going to reverse this pain we’ve created.

So what is going on that causes boys to turn angry and create the MASK?

All these tough guys that I’ve worked with as a teacher, mentor and coach had one thing in common: a big heart with a fear of showing it to the world.

To cope and fit into what society programs them to believe about who they “should” be as “men”, many young men create a hard exterior.

Not only does posturing create a false identify for our young men, it leads to many issues that are unhealthy and down right dangerous.

Here’s some of what these boys and young men shared with me that I want to pass on to you:

  • It’s embarrassing to be seen as soft or weak and when you are emotional, that is weakness, unless that emotion is anger.
  • I have many emotions that need to be felt but because it’s not accepted in our society, I will never share these feelings with you or anyone unless you really provide a space of complete trust and acceptance. This can take lots of time.
  • I would rather cover up the pain with drugs or use violence as a release.
  • When I don’t feel safe to express myself, I will take that anger out in society in any way I can.
  • Nobody understands me and the pressures placed on me as a guy.
  • I hate that I need to prove my internal and external strength to friends and family. It’s overwhelming!

For me, I understand that as long as I hold the space for these young men to feel safe in sharing their feelings, no matter what they are in the moment, they begin to shed layers of that mask. I hold no expectations or judgments about what they should be or do. When we can do this for them, they grow into strong, confident and balanced men.

What can you do to create a safe space for the boys and young men in your life?

© 2014 Julie Kleinhans, Mind Focus Generation

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR NEWSLETTER OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:

“Youth Empowerment and Education Expert Julie Kleinhans works with teens and young adults to love themselves, be successful and embrace their own uniqueness. Get her FREE Guide for Parents “5 Steps to Productive, Confident and Happy Kids” at www.MindFocusGeneration.com.”

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I cannot speak for everyone but I’m pretty certain that most of us were raised and educated based on a lack mindset. What is a lack mindset you ask? It is one in which we see and believe in limitation. For example, when a situation does not go as planned, do you look at all the things that went wrong with the situation or do you look at what went right and for opportunities to learn and grow?

Another example of a lack mindset is comparing ourselves to others. Looking at how you are less-than or better-than another person is based on lack because those thoughts hold the belief that you are not enough just as you are or that another person should be different somehow.

When it comes to young people, a very common lack-based belief they hold is that others do not want to support them or that life works against them. They may hold the belief that there is limitation to what they can achieve and the opportunities that are available to them in any given moment. When this happens, they feel hopeless. And when young people feel hopeless, they make decisions that are not for their highest good.

The truth is, the universe is a lovingly abundant place. The universe only knows abundance. The universe adores each and every one of us so much that it gives us whatever we desire. The key is that what we desire must be spoken in the language of vibration, of energy.

There are so many false beliefs and premises that we were taught growing up and that we continue to perpetuate in the world by raising and educating our kids to hold the same mindset. What this is doing is creating even more lack and so we continue to experience in our lives. It’s feeding this never-ending cycle of struggle and pain. If you were a teenager and saw what was going on in the world, would you feel confused and afraid about your future? Would this help you to make decisions about what you want to do with your life or do you think it may hold you back? Do you see how important it is to break this cycle now?

When we feel that we are not enough (lack) or believe that we do not have enough (lack), or think that others do not support us (lack), then we give off an energetic vibration that says to the universe “I am lack, give me more. I like this because it is where I am choosing to focus and therefore what I vibrate at”.

Now the majority of us are not consciously choosing to vibrate in a place of lack, we’ve just been programmed to think this way. We’ve been sold the lie of lack and limitation and bought it lock, stock and barrel! After all, I had no idea that this was the case until I started to really question what life is all about. I wanted to find ways to make life better for myself and others and in doing so I found out the truth about the Universal Laws. One of them is the Law of Abundance, which simply states that the universe is an abundant place. However, if you focus on lack, then you will get just that—an abundance of lack. That’s a lot of lack!

A lack-based mindset is the reason that it seems that we cannot get ahead in life or achieve the things we really desire. But this is an illusion. All you have to do is begin to consciously work on your beliefs and then your energy field, your vibration, will change and by virtue of the law of attraction, so will your outer reality.

One of my biggest missions in this life is to change the way we raise and educate our children so that they can grow up to be happy, confident, successful and live well balanced lives. It is also important that we begin to change things for the younger generation so they do not have to work so hard in changing their limiting beliefs once they become adults. I’m sure as an adult reading this you know what I am talking about.

If our children are given a solid foundation now, this solid foundation will become the beliefs that create a magnificent life filled with opportunities, unlimited joy, nourishing relationships, adventure, and good-will toward humanity and the planet.

Let’s take a look at some of the important beliefs that are associated with an abundant mindset and compare them to that of a lack mindset as it relates to life and young people.

Lack- I will never be able to get this. It’s not possible.

Abundant- There is always opportunity for me to grow and learn. I’m doing just fine.

Lack-Nobody likes me. People treat me badly.

Abundant-I like me and because I like me, others treat me how I treat myself.

Lack-I have to fight for my share.

Abundant-There is plenty for everyone.

Lack-I have to compete with others for attention.

Abundant-I am in harmony with others.

Lack-I have to prove myself to feel worthy.

Abundant-I am worthy just as I am.

Lack-If I don’t get better grades, I will never be successful.

Abundant-I have unique talents and gifts and as I focus on those, they get stronger.

Lack-I have to do what others expect of me or they won’t like me.

Abundant-Other people like me for who I am. I am free to be myself.

Lack-There aren’t enough jobs out there for me to pursue my life’s purpose.

Abundant- I follow my passion and put my heart into what I want to do and the universe provides me with opportunities.

Lack-I have to live in fear of others hurting me.

Abundant-I am safe in this world and I am divinely guided and protected.

Lack-I will not get into a good college because I’m not smart enough.

Abundant-There are plenty of options for me. It’s a huge exciting world with lots to choose from.

I can tell you from direct experience in working with teenagers and young adults as a former high school teacher and now coach and mentor, kids raised and educated with a lack mindset experience some form of fear, anxiety, stress, low self-esteem, lack of motivation, confusion, anger, depression and more.

When a teenager make decisions based on a lack mindset, what do you think they will choose? To pursue their dreams or to hold back? To be an inspiration or a follower? Love or fear? Expansion or constriction?

I see parents worrying all the time about the decisions their kids are making or worrying that they might make poor decisions in the future such as doing drugs, hanging out with the wrong crowd, drinking and driving, or bullying others. However, the one thing that they have to understand is that decisions are made based on their beliefs—their mindset. Worrying is wasted energy and is another form of lack-based thoughts.

If a teenager lives from a place of abundance, they see opportunities in their life; they understand that they matter and that others matter too. From this abundant mindset they are much less likely to engage in behaviors that will sabotage their dreams, goals, and purpose. They know they always have people to support them and to turn to in times of difficulty. They connect with a bright future and are excited about life. Now that is something that every one of us can get behind and support!

Life is not always easy but there are always many options and solutions to every problem. When kids are raised and educated to come from this mindset they will seek the best of life and be an inspiration to others.

© 2014 Julie Kleinhans, Mind Focus Generation

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR NEWSLETTER OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:

“Youth Empowerment and Education Expert Julie Kleinhans works with teens and young adults to love themselves, be successful and embrace their own uniqueness. Get her FREE Guide for Parents “5 Steps to Productive, Confident and Happy Kids” at www.MindFocusGeneration.com.”

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© 2014 Julie Kleinhans, Mind Focus Generation WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR NEWSLETTER OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: “Youth Empowerment and Education Expert Julie Kleinhans works with teens and young adults to love themselves, be successful and embrace their own uniqueness. Get her […]

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© 2014 Julie Kleinhans, Mind Focus Generation WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR NEWSLETTER OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: “Youth Empowerment and Education Expert Julie Kleinhans works with teens and young adults to love themselves, be successful and embrace their own uniqueness. Get her […]

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